Father First, Mother First

There are some of you that might be surprised by the title of this post. But it’s true, for the Mother the first should be the Father, and for the Father, the first should be the Mother. For those that have read my book, you know that this is Chapter 12.

Children need to see strong parents that love each other in spite of all the difficulties. Of course, sometimes they see that we might argue about nonsense or even for more important things. If the argument happens in front of the children, it’s important that the peace and forgiveness must also happen in front of them, even if it’s two days later: “I’m sorry that I got upset yesterday and raised my voice, you know that I’m having a hard time at work right now…” This followed by a loving embrace and then everything is solved.

When we heard the key entering the door, we immediately stopped what we were doing and ran to the door to give each other a hug and tell each other how much we had been thinking about them, just like when we were first married.

Sometimes it was difficult, especially when we were in the middle of some impressive chaos: two are fighting over the red car, the water for the pasta was boiling over, the mother-in-law was calling on the phone asking if we needed anything from the supermarket… How difficult it is sometimes to demonstrate with our actions that for each of us the most important was our spouse!

It takes a lot of work both physically and mentally and it requires thought. And most importantly, will. Children can absorb so much of your time and are always asking for more and more and more.

I remember that sometimes my husband and I would lock ourselves in our room to talk and explain to the kids, “right now is time for Mom and Dad. You cannot bother us or knock on the door. If you fight, you must find a solution together. Dad is not the police. We love you very much.”

Sometimes I have a friend tell me, “Listen, Rosa, my daughter is exactly like me. She has the same attitude, she moves like me and makes the exact same gestures. She’s my clone!” Yes, but we have to teach our children that for Mom, Dad is first and vice versa. Children need parents that are strongly united. They must see it.

We also must dedicate time, at least one day per week when we can go out alone together. I know it’s difficult, especially when they’re young and you have to hire a babysitter and this costs more money which might be difficult when you’re newly married… But we have to take care of ourselves and to get stronger together, have fun, smile, play sports… Speak, well, this is mostly for the woman since the men don’t have the desire to comment on things 24 hours a day…

Marriage is a passionate adventure. We must take time to marvel in that which is marvelous, the marvelous life of a family. You can only live it once, and you should live it up to the fullest!!

Father first, Mother first.

This post was originally published on comoserfelizconunodostreshijos.com on May 30th, 2018